A Rose By Any Other Name
by ladypredator
Summary: One-shot story written from TJ's POV, focusing on her and Dr. Rush. PG-13 at most.


Walking around in someone else's body was always a bizarre sensation. This woman was shorter and stouter than she was; every step felt strange, like she was inches from falling over her own feet. Over someone else's feet, actually.

She followed Colonel Young into the SGC briefing room, surprised to find quite so many people waiting for them. Camille Wray hadn't been specific on why she and Young were supposed to report together at this time and she couldn't help but feel worried. The last time the SGC had interfered with events on the Destiny, they had almost been blown up by Telford's disastrous experiment. If they tried something like that again – well, however difficult their senior scientist could be, when it came down to their survival, she'd put her money on Nicholas Rush.

She knew Young would disagree. The depth of enmity between him and Dr. Rush had only increased since the scientist had managed to rescue himself from a near-fatal rockslide on an alien planet. Perhaps Young blamed himself for not rescuing Rush as he had Lt. Scott previously, but she wasn't sure about that. There was something too bitter, too intense in their troubled relationship. She didn't know what it was.

But then, she'd made too many mistakes were Young was concerned. It was odd that the Colonel was harder for her to read. Everyone thought Rush was so inscrutable, yet he seemed so straightforward to her. If it wasn't important to his work or their survival, he didn't bother with it and if he took the time to speak about something, you'd better listen very carefully. Their lives would inevitably depend on it.

She shook her unfamiliar head and tried to clear her thoughts. General O'Neill was speaking now and she stood at attention and focused on his words. Oddly, he was looking right at her and it took a moment for her to connect.

"What?" she asked, knowing she sounded like an idiot. Young threw a quick glance at her, but she ignored it. Her mind was tumbling again. Had the General just said what she thought he had?

"I realize that this will require you to spend much more time using the communication Stones, Lieutenant, but I agree fully with Dr. Rush's suggestion that you receive the medical training you need to act as Destiny's medical officer. Since we can't send you to medical school formally, as you were originally planning, we'll do the next best thing. Telecommunication on Earth may not be as… advanced as the Stones, but it will have to do. We'll supply you with the textbooks and materials you need and while you'll have to do it under an assumed identity, we will arrange for you to attend teaching rounds at nearby hospitals."

The General turned to the Colonel. "I know it will require you to adjust the schedule and require her absence for more time in the near future, but it's the best solution we have. We can't always plan on being able to send through a trained physician when you have an emergency."

"Yes, sir," Young responded, though she did see his jaw tighten as he bit out the words. He wasn't happy. Why not? This would give her the training and knowledge she needed to be a proper physician, a chance to feel like she really was a doctor and not just a medic being forced to pretend she knew what she was doing. She'd wanted to be a doctor and even if this was a work-around, it was far more than she'd ever expected to have since they got stranded on Destiny.

Why couldn't he be happy for her? Was it because this wasn't his idea? Was it because it was Dr. Rush's idea? Or was it because he didn't want her to succeed? The last thought hurt, felt almost like a betrayal, but it was difficult to avoid. She had thought she loved him once – now that seemed like a different lifetime, a different woman. It wasn't her anymore. The hard, bitter truth was that it had never been him. He'd never loved her; never even _believed_ that he did.

---

It was tough. Hard, exhausting, difficult work, using the Stones for at least a couple of hours a day, listening to lectures through video screens, squeezing out precious minutes reading books that she couldn't bring back with her, all the while trying to keep up with her responsibilities on Destiny. Young begrudged her time away and she felt the distance between them grow. The only surprise was that she didn't care. This was worth it.

A flood on a visited planet gave her the opportunity to use her new knowledge and it made her feel good. There was a bit of guilt there – people got hurt – but she was able to handle the situation. No one died. It hadn't been easy given the lack of supplies and equipment, few drug, no imaging, minimal lab tests, but she'd done it.

So despite the familiar feelings of frustration when she had to leave the textbooks and radiology images behind when she returned to Destiny from another day's training, she was half-smiling to herself when she walked back into the infirmary.

To her surprise, she found Dr. Rush laying on the floor by the far wall, his head and upper body stuck through a dislodged panel into the wall.

"Dr. Rush?" she asked.

He bumped his forehead pulling himself out and gave a harsh, accented curse. He frowned up at her through a heavy, shaggily-cut fringe of tinseled dark hair as he rubbed at his forehead.

"Are you OK?" she asked, trying not to laugh as he squinted at her, tossed the hair out of his eyes, and rubbed at his offended temple.

"Aye, I'm fine," he said, sitting up. "Done with that anyway."

He surprised her with how limber he was as he twisted around, reset and sealed the panel in the wall, and leapt to his feet.

"Done with what?" she asked.

He was already working on the nearby computer console, one that she'd never before been able to turn on, much less use. Yet, it flashed to life under his dancing fingertips and twin dimples creased the side of his mouth as he half-smiled in triumph.

"Getting you that imager you need," he replied.

"What imager?" she asked, startled.

"This one," he said, pointing as machinery whined, the wall abruptly opened and a long metallic platform with a large arch above it slid outward into the room.

"Hey, what's that?" called another voice across the room. Eli and Chloe came wandering in.

TJ felt, more than saw, Rush's response. His body stiffened and he seemed to draw in on himself. He'd been utterly and precisely polite – almost old-fashioned - with her as always, but soft-voiced and gentle in his eyes. Now those eyes looked dark and almost dangerous, his shoulders hunched in, his expression icy.

Disdain dripped like venom from a voice that had moments before sounded like a lilting melody.

"It's part of Destiny's medical systems. I believe it works along similar, though far more advanced principles, as our MRI and CT scans," he told them.

Chloe looked blank but Eli's eyes widened. "Are you sure?" he asked incredulously.

Meanwhile, TJ's heart skipped a beat with excitement. What she could do with an MRI or CT scanner…

"I'm sure," Rush replied dismissively. He tinkered at the now brightly lit console for a bit longer before gesturing at the silvery bed. "Anyone want to volunteer for a test scan?"

"Shouldn't you check this with Colonel Young first?" Eli asked.

Chloe nodded agreement. "What if it doesn't work or it doesn't do what you think it does?" she asked.

Rush shook his head in obvious disgust.

"I'll do it then," he said. He gestured for TJ to join him at the console. "Once I'm there, just hit that button there. The computer should do the rest."

"Are you sure?" she asked him softly, hoping he understood that she wasn't questioning his judgment, not like the others, that she just wanted to be sure he'd be safe.

And he must have understood, because the look he gave her was gentle. The tilt of his head and the fall of his hair hid his eyes from everyone but her and those deep, penetrating chocolate brown orbs were soft.

"I'm sure," he told her, pointing again at the little yellow button.

Eli protested again as Rush lay down on the platform, but it was weak and whiney. TJ couldn't help giving him a disdainful glance of her own; when her eyes slid to Chloe, she eased up a bit. Chloe had done the best she could to act as a nurse and TJ was fond of her, even though she thought the girl was immature. She'd grow out of it, though. Eli, on the other hand, well, TJ didn't hold much hope for him despite his mathematical talents.

"Ready," she asked Rush, who had settled into a silent, yet prepared stillness.

"Ready," he responded.

She pressed the button.

The device whirred, buzzed, lights blinked, and the large white arch glided away from the wall and over Rush's unmoving body. It reached his feet, paused for a moment, then passed back over him to come to a halt above his head.

The instant it stopped, he leapt gracefully to his feet and came to her side. She breathed in a relieved gulp of air and relaxed as his obviously unharmed shoulder and upper arm brushed against hers in order to reach the console.

Again, his hands flickered over the controls and she watched them move, amazed by how deftly he managed the alien technology, how sure he was.

Gasps from behind her tore her attention away and she looked past him to see a column of light shimmer into the middle of the room from the ceiling. Within the glittering column a form took shape, a familiar shape, a human shape.

It was a 3-Dimensional representation of a male human body and as she moved closer, she recognized it as Dr. Rush. It was true to life-size, the proportions a perfect copy, his usually expressive face caught in repose, the large eyes open, the mouth relaxed. She could practically reach out and trace the high, sharp arch of his cheekbone.

In fact, without realizing it, she did touch the image and it reacted, turning to face her.

"Go ahead, touch it," the living man it mimicked coming up behind her. "I think it is touch-sensitive. You should be able to manipulate it to show any body system or organ. I'm not sure if it…"

She touched the forehead of the image and the skin faded away into tendons, muscle and bone. She pushed her finger just a bit further and those faded away to show the folded, lumpy brain deeper within.

"Hmmm," Rush said from behind her and he reached past her to put his hand into the image of his own brain and twist his hand. The image lit up in bright colors and began to spin. "Ahh," he said.

"That's incredible," Eli breathed.

"Amazing," Chloe added.

TJ ignored them, her mouth dropping open. "Is that what I think it is?" She looked at Rush who grinned openly at her

"Depends on what you think it is, but if you think it represents my brain activity at the moment of the scan, I'd believe that you're quite correct."

"It's fantastic," TJ responded. "I can do so much with this!"

"We'll need to scan more people to give it a human baseline," Rush told her, "but once you have that, you should be able run diagnostics on the images as well as manipulate the viewing."

"Scan people with what?" came a suspicious baritone voice from the doorway.

"It's a medical imager," Chloe responded as they all turned to face Colonel Young. "Isn't it incredible!"

Eli had already gone over the console and was staring at it with unrepentant glee. He started babbling about the systems, but Young overrode him.

"We're not scanning anyone until we're sure this thing is safe," he said firmly.

TJ shook her head, prepared to argue with him, but was interrupted by Rush's wry, bitter chuckle.

"Too late, Colonel, we've already scanned someone."

"How dare you take that risk with someone else's life…" Young burst out.

"I didn't," Rush interrupted, almost sneering now. "I took that risk with my own life. I scanned myself and while I know it's disappointing to you, I'm quite fine, thank you."

Young stared at him in shock.

TJ took the moment to step forward in front of Rush, deliberately placing herself between the two men.

"It works perfectly, Colonel," she told him. "As you can see, it did absolutely no harm to Dr. Rush and the resulting data is extraordinarily complete. It will be invaluable. In fact, I'd like to scan myself next. We'll need to compare male and female profiles."

Rush rejoined Eli at the console and nodded at her. She turned towards the waiting platform, but was stopped by Young's hand on her arm. Before he could say anything, she pulled herself free, went over, and lay down.

As expected, the process was quick, painless and successful. The image was stunning in its clarity. She could see blood flowing in her own veins.

Fantastic. Amazing. A life-saving gift.

Ignoring Young's glowering, obviously angry presence, she went to Rush and threw her arms around him, briefly hugging him, before practically dancing back to continue to test the imager's capabilities. She barely noted, but did indeed note, how warm he felt, how soft his hair was against her cheek, how firm the muscles in his shoulders and arms. But it was a fleeting thought lost in the moment of discovery.

---

She didn't pay attention to his absence from morning briefing. Rush avoided those as often as he could, which was usually a relief, since his presence inevitably led to a vicious argument with Young.

She was busy at lunch and ended up grabbing her rations and taking them back to the infirmary. There'd been an accident in one of the damaged areas of the ship and she had some sprains, bruises, and slight burns to treat.

She got to dinner late because people were lining up for the imager now that everyone understood the need for a baseline measurement against which she could measure any injuries or illnesses.

She did notice his absence from morning meeting again, since Young seemed nearly as grumpy at Rush's absence as he was at Rush's presence.

Wandering up to Becker, she asked if he'd seen Rush. The cook frowned and shook his head.

"I don't think I've seen him since dinner the day before yesterday, Ma'am," he said. "Sometimes Dr. Rush gets busy working and forgets to eat." He suddenly looked sheepish, slightly guilty. "I was going to bring him something last night, but we were testing those new vegetables and I forgot."

"It's not your fault," she told him briskly, though inside she was furious – both with him and with herself. Rush was the pivot on which their lives depended; he'd done so much to keep them alive. The man would work himself to death for them if he was given the chance and yet no one paid any attention or gave him any credit. Well, she was damned if she was going to let him push himself into another collapse.

"Give me a double set of rations and I'll make sure he eats them," she ordered Becker, who complied meekly.

Taking the tray, she went in search of the absent scientist.

---

Typically, he was in the last place she'd thought to look; the one place she went back to simply out of frustration. He was in her infirmary.

"How long have you been here?" she demanded, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

He looked up at her, his eyes large and limpid, beautiful, even despite the spectacles and hair half-covering them. He looked pale, exhausted, but his fingers never stopped moving over the console even as he turned his head towards her.

"Uhhh, what time is it?" he asked, blinking owlishly at her.

"Ten AM," she responded, stalking towards him and setting the tray on the edge of her desk closest to him.

His mouth pursed into a slight frown and he ran his hand through his hair.

"About twelve hours, then, I guess."

"Twelve hours!" she exclaimed. "That's all night! Did you sleep at all?"

He shrugged. "I was busy. Wanted to finish this."

"Finish what?" she asked. "What's so important that you didn't bother to eat or sleep?" Her stomach twisted. If he was that intent, that focused, it couldn't be good.

He shrugged again, his fingers finally stopping on the console. He glanced down at it, seemed to scroll through something, and then gave a slight smile.

"There done."

"What is it?" she asked again her worry coloring her voice as she came up beside him to look at the computer screen.

"Your emergency medicine textbook," he responded, waving a hand over the display. "See, I typed it all in so you can review it here."

"You did what?" she asked, her mouth dropping open.

"You said last week that you wished you could bring the books here to study, so I told Wray that I wanted my turn to use the communication Stones. Your books were right there, so I picked the one that looked the most immediately useful and read it. Took a while to retype it into the computer, but it's done now."

She was now staring at him in wide-eyed shock, but he was frowning at the computer screen. "I can't replicate the photos, can't draw worth shite, but all of the text and tables are there."

"You read my textbook, my 800 page textbook, and then just typed it into the computer?" she echoed, utterly confused.

Now he looked at her with surprise. "Yes, it was rather interesting as a matter of fact. I've never read any medicine before. The diagnostic patterns were intriguing; it's more complex than I expected."

"You read my textbook, came back and just copied the whole thing. In one day?" she felt like an idiot repeating herself, but the question was still there. How?

He nodded, lines creasing the space between his eyes and across his brow as he gazed at her, an equal confusion in his expression.

It suddenly clicked in her mind and she ran a hand across her eyes as she said, not as a question, but as a statement of fact.

"You've got a photographic memory."

"Aye," he responded calmly, as though it was an obvious and unremarkable fact. "You needed the textbook so I got it for you. I won't be able to do another one until my next turn to go to Earth, but…"

"Why would you waste your time at home reading a medical textbook?" she asked, still feeling like she was stumbling in the dark.

He shrugged his shoulders, drawing slightly away from her. It was the first time he'd ever done that, she suddenly realized. He did it so often with other people, but it occurred to her that he'd never done it before with her.

"I don't have any other reason to go," he replied, staring down at the screen. "I'd told Wray to leave me out of the rotation, but when you said you wished you had the texts, I thought it would be a useful thing."

"What about your family?" she asked. She gestured at the gold band on his left hand. "Your wife?"

He swallowed hard, glanced around the room, but not at her, then lowered his eyes back to the screen, never looking at her.

"I don't have any family and my wife is dead. She died three…" he paused, staring into mid-air, "well, nearly four years ago now."

Her stomach sank and she wished the floor would just swallow her up.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she said.

He waved his other hand, his right hand, in the air, dismissively, though he still wouldn't bring his eyes towards her.

"Like I said, it was years ago."

"You still wear the ring," she couldn't help saying, wishing she knew how to comfort him. This was the part of being a physician that was the scariest to her, the hardest part, dealing with grief. She felt her lack of experience acutely.

He glanced down and twisted the ring around his slender finger.

"It's all I have left of her," he said, so softly it was nearly a whisper. "Momenti mori."

Remembrance of death, she thought.

"I'm glad you still have it," she told him, rubbing his shoulder lightly. "It's good to remember those we loved."

He nodded, still not looking at her.

Now she reached over to touch his far cheek, to urge him to turn his head and meet her eyes. The sorrow in his, liquid and bottomless, struck her and she hugged him, this time not a brief thank you, a quick celebration, this time a full, tight, bear-hug. He tensed instantly, then suddenly relaxed and his arms closed around her.

They stayed like that for a while. Just holding on to each other.

Then they pulled apart enough to gaze into each other's eyes again and now his held something different. There was a light, a fire in that darkness. And his expression was taut, yet uncertain, almost… frightened.

Her belly twisted again, but this time not with fear or worry. This was nothing like that. This was heat and hunger, something she'd not felt in a long time. Something she thought she'd never have a chance at again. Desire, definitely, but a desire colored with a softer sensation in her chest.

She framed his cheeks with her hands and smiled at him.

It all clicked into place. The universe suddenly righted itself. Tension melted away.

She kissed him gently, at first nothing more than a brush of her lips on his, then more deeply. His response was as slow as her approach, tentative, tender.

It was hard to pull away, to stop, but she had better plans. She now knew what it had all been, the training, technology, and textbooks, old-fashioned courtesy, gentle politeness, and it deserved better than some stolen passion in a public place.

He was exhausted and probably starving even if he wouldn't admit it. He needed food and sleep.

Then – and only then – they would continue what they had begun.

---

END


End file.
